Relationship work as a polycule – part 2/3: My triad’s schedule

We are three individuals (letters) who form three couples (lines with heart): Two straight couples and one lesbian couple. Additionally, there is the entire triangle, i.e. if all three spend time with one another (scored circle). Thus, we have three different couple spaces and one triad space as well.

For each of these spaces, we have developed our own rituals, bonding behaviours, leisure activities, etc., exactly as any healthy couple will do over time. Naturally, each one of us also needs me time (conveniently, this space can be consumed during a couple space of the other two).

For this, we have created our own schedule:

Once per week, each couple has their couple space for six hours. Meanwhile, the third one either goes to work, spends some me time or meets with friends. We discuss this every week and then agree upon when the respective couple spaces are to take place.

This does not mean, however, that the respective third has to be locked out. He/She can seek brief contact at any time, as long as the fundamental focus resides on the respective couple. If, however, wishes emerge which require more time, we negotiate about them and eventually shift the respective couple space or finish sooner. If there is still time left out of the six hours, these are consumed separately or added to the respective couple space the next week.

This principle works as long as all persons involved keep to it and thus all three couple spaces get the same time, space and energy. From this description it is evident that our everyday life is four times as complex than that of an ordinary couple, not only in theory, but also in practise.